Control
Life is, in broad terms, at times, absurd. There are many things that make no sense to me, at least. But one thing that scares me is control. Or, better said, the lack of it.
We often operate under the illusion of control, believing that our actions can directly and definitely influence outcomes. This belief is providing a sense of security and predictability. We make plans, we make lists, and take steps into the actions that we consider we need to do. However, the reality is much more unpredictable, making life leaning more on the chaotic side. And this terrifies me. Extremely. It sometimes renders me unable to make a decision. All I can think is that everything I do, each action I take, however little, it might, and does affect my possible future. How am I to know which decision is the right one to make? The answer I came to know is simple. I don’t. And I never will. We can never have a total certainty about what’s about to come. We can guess, we could have a strategy, but it won’t be fully bulletproof.
The first step towards coping with life’s unpredictability is acknowledging that complete control is unattainable. Recognizing this can be both liberating and daunting. It’s an acceptance that not everything is within our grasp.
I thought I already accepted this premise, and yet, here I am, fearful of every decision or opportunity to decide/act/etc. I’m yet to feel the liberation of my inability to predict the future. If I could have been able to, maybe my past, or even present would have been better. Who’s to know? I know it does not do well to linger on such thoughts, but I have moments when I can only stop and wonder. I envy people that can just push through life without fixating so much upon the consequences of their actions; or of those who already accepted their fate.
When faced with the uncontrollable, many of us experience heightened anxiety and stress. Our minds are wired to seek patterns and predictability, and when these are disrupted, it can lead to a sense of helplessness. While we can’t control everything, we can control our responses. Developing resilience is key to navigating life’s unpredictability.
Something that somehow helped me be a bit less anxious is practicing mindfulness. To be honest, I’m not entirely sure I do it the right way. I’m just trying to remember to come back to the present, to the action that I’m currently doing, and focus on that. Thinking in very small steps ahead, to take everything little by little, until I can function normally again (as normal as it gets).
Maybe that’s why natural disasters terrify me. In my cases, earthquakes. If I were to live in an area where tornadoes were a thing, that would be on my list as well. Neither of these, or others, are in our control. They can just happen and that’s it. We can do nothing about it. Nature is scary sometimes. But we need to understand that, yes, this can happen, but as we cannot control or change, we should carry on with our lives and focus on what we can do to grow, and be a good human (preferably). Slight tangent, but for the love of everything, can adults just start being normal adults and STOP talking/doing inappropriate things with children?! Also, let’s stop killing each other, that would be great. Thank you.
It is said that while we can’t control everything in life, we can control how we respond. Thus, we can embrace the journey of unpredictability, and discover the strength within yourself to thrive amidst the chaos.
Yet, I’m not sure if I can fully agree. Yes, of course our response matter. Of course our actions matter. And, of course that leaving fear of unknown behind can free us of certain decision making issues. But I can only think of all the other variables. How could I ever give this type of advice to someone in a deep financial need, or in a war zone, or in an area affected by famine, or many, many other possibilities? I just can’t. If I cannot take this advice for myself, and even if my situation is not entirely pink, at least I’m not hearing bomb warning every day. Perhaps in a more civilized and uniform world, I could say “Hey, let’s just trust the process. Que sera sera!” But, we’re not. We live on an entirely chaotic planet.
As a final thought, and coming back to nature, I was thinking of Jurassic Park. I went through the first book again just last month, and Ian never disappoints.
As a reply to John Hammond that states that we need to save the planet because it’s going to die (although he based all his decision on gaining money), Ian says that no, the planet it’s not going to die. Nature always finds a way. But we won’t.
I’m not going into a climate change rant, because I imagine we all know by this time that we need to do our best to make it better for Mother Nature.
I will focus on that desire to control our future, our fate. How Ian’s answer sounded to me was that nature doesn't need us, but we need it. We are not in control. And we need to accept it. Whatever we do, the sun will rise and set each day (until it explodes, but you get the point).
Thus, in conclusion, we are pretty much fucked. In more ways than we perhaps realize. And life is chaotic, unpredictable and unusual. So, let’s just take it step by step. Make a plan, but be prepared for it to maybe be ruined. Dunno, I’m not a therapist. Just putting my opinions and thoughts out there.
If you’re still here, you know what, you’re a legend! Go and have a delicious treat, you deserve it! You’ve done a lot of great things! xx
